Napoleon is just awesome. He's got some sweet moves.
Thursday, July 29, 2004
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
wow, thanks for the encouragement. i appreciate it so much.
i did a pretty bad thing...just when my room was getting slightly cleaner i go and pull all of my CD's out to decide which ones to get rid of--so now i have four piles of CD's on the floor. go me.
i went for a walk last night with the sunset. cool breezes, disappearing shadows, no one else.
what does a sunset mean for you?
i did a pretty bad thing...just when my room was getting slightly cleaner i go and pull all of my CD's out to decide which ones to get rid of--so now i have four piles of CD's on the floor. go me.
i went for a walk last night with the sunset. cool breezes, disappearing shadows, no one else.
what does a sunset mean for you?
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
ok, so totally screw my intentions of not staying up late.
the quiet things that no one ever knows.
here is something i wrote.
now...push "Publish Post"
the quiet things that no one ever knows.
here is something i wrote.
breathe in
hold it all in
nothing out
keep it in, my air
hold
suffocating
its getting darker
your face is getting hazy
what seems so obvious
just seems so hard
but all that i have to do
is
breathe
air
my head clears
but i collapse
from the fatigue
of holding myself (back)
and to think
all i had to do
was breathe
and be
Alive
now...push "Publish Post"
Monday, July 26, 2004
hmm...so just when i am starting to get the hang of html blogger goes and makes it all possible for a user to know absolutely no html and still make a whoopass blog.
totally look at this rollercoaster i went on.
its like flying because you are laying on your stomach! go Superman! and it even goes upside-down! many people riding held out one fist in front!
so...writing uninhibited. i think it is a good idea, yet i have always had a hesitation for it. always. therefore, i keep an occasional journal. however, i think i have gotten over some hesitation from taking Writer's Workshop this past year. writing what i feel, exposing, really, what i feel, is scary, but incredibly...that is what people like the most. something so honest.
sometimes its weird. i will seem to know something in the back of my mind, but not really "know" it. then i write it and i start crying because i feel like i'm not lying to myself anymore. which has helped me recover from my identity crisis.
ahhh...
totally look at this rollercoaster i went on.
its like flying because you are laying on your stomach! go Superman! and it even goes upside-down! many people riding held out one fist in front!
so...writing uninhibited. i think it is a good idea, yet i have always had a hesitation for it. always. therefore, i keep an occasional journal. however, i think i have gotten over some hesitation from taking Writer's Workshop this past year. writing what i feel, exposing, really, what i feel, is scary, but incredibly...that is what people like the most. something so honest.
sometimes its weird. i will seem to know something in the back of my mind, but not really "know" it. then i write it and i start crying because i feel like i'm not lying to myself anymore. which has helped me recover from my identity crisis.
ahhh...
Sunday, July 25, 2004
so, here i am.
oh, phew. i can now push the [enter] button and it goes to a new paragraph. this did not occur on friday and this is vital, as paragraph is part of my structure, and structure is part of my style, and don't be messin with my style, blogger.
ok, i've been thinking. however, sitting for 7 hours in the car leaves time for thinking.
so, possessions. they are supposed to be meaningless. no purpose at all. we're supposed to be able to drop everything we have and, if we are ideal people, we can live fantastic lives without our possessions. yet why is it so hard to throw stuff out? i have tons of crap all over my bedroom floor that i can throw out--after all, it's just STUFF. but...what about books that i loooove to read, notes that my friends have written me, notebooks that i spent hours pouring stories into, my CD's that amaze me. they mean...something...to me. of course, i won't die if suddenly i wake up and it's all gone. but the thing that i find interesting is that some of my stuff is important to me. however, the reason they are important to me is because of what it brought to me. ok, so my possessions brought me happiness, but not so much in a "purchased" sense. the happiness came from other people or an aid for helping me express myself. is this all really so bad?
i guess it's important not to get wrapped up in possessions. i don't really think i have a problem with this, however. they are just another way to get disillusioned.
has anyone listened closely to Jo-Jo's new PoP! song? the first verse and the chorus don't make ANY sense at all:
Ive been waitting all day for ya babe So want cha come and sit and talk to me Tell me how we are gonna be together always Hope you know when its late at night I hold on to my pillow tight (I never thought that any one) Could make me feel this way Now that your here all I want Is just a chance to say
CHORUS Get Out (Leave)Right now, It's the end of you and me Its too late (now) and I cant wait For you to be gone Cuz I know about her and I wonder (why) how I brought all the lies You said that you would treat me right But you were just a waste of time
ok, so basically she is saying "oh BABY! you're so amazing and even though I'm only 13 i think you are THE person that i want to marry!! oh we'll be SOO happy!!!" then we get to the chorus and all of a sudden she is telling him "eff off, you cheated on me!!"
whaa?!
so, anyway, that's what Becky thinks about when she is not contemplating "i'm just a box in a cage"means (or possessions, for that matter) . she analyzes frickin PoP! songs.
however, i'd like to make myself believe that i am a "big" enough person to believe that things are created aimed for different people. and so while i get the joy of listening from audio adrenaline to the yeah yeah yeahs, some ditz gets a great deal of joy from listening to JoJo, because as long as the beat rocks (or is it pops?) its a freaking awesome song.
another example. recently movies have come out, like Sleepover and Cinderella Story that my 11-yr old sister has been just dying to see. i, personally, think they might be just garbage, but the movie people were setting out to make films aimed at 11 year olds with parents who have some money, not at nearly broke 18-year old college freshmen.
so, basically, there are some pretty different people in the world. i have a hard time telling someone i hate country music, because they go on and on about how country music is the coolest thing ever, with valid evidence. but just cuz i hate it doesn't mean that you can't just adore it. there is always the "objective" view, but even objective can be subjective (what is "good" music anyway?"). i think i'll just be happy with what i have, and i'll be happy that other people can be happy with what they have. it would be nice if what makes me happy makes other people happy too, but i can't force that on them.
to each his own.
maybe this is why i have such a difficult time with politics. people complaining about stuff is just annoying sometimes. people have different beliefs, yet others think that their way is DEFINITELY the RIGHT way.
Modest Mouse tastes good right now.
which reminds me. i saw a billboard for PETA outside Chicago today. there was a picture of a pig, and it said, "he died for your sins."
it's things like this that make me want to take all the stuff i said about respecting other people's beliefs and hurl it to next thursday.
oh, phew. i can now push the [enter] button and it goes to a new paragraph. this did not occur on friday and this is vital, as paragraph is part of my structure, and structure is part of my style, and don't be messin with my style, blogger.
ok, i've been thinking. however, sitting for 7 hours in the car leaves time for thinking.
so, possessions. they are supposed to be meaningless. no purpose at all. we're supposed to be able to drop everything we have and, if we are ideal people, we can live fantastic lives without our possessions. yet why is it so hard to throw stuff out? i have tons of crap all over my bedroom floor that i can throw out--after all, it's just STUFF. but...what about books that i loooove to read, notes that my friends have written me, notebooks that i spent hours pouring stories into, my CD's that amaze me. they mean...something...to me. of course, i won't die if suddenly i wake up and it's all gone. but the thing that i find interesting is that some of my stuff is important to me. however, the reason they are important to me is because of what it brought to me. ok, so my possessions brought me happiness, but not so much in a "purchased" sense. the happiness came from other people or an aid for helping me express myself. is this all really so bad?
i guess it's important not to get wrapped up in possessions. i don't really think i have a problem with this, however. they are just another way to get disillusioned.
has anyone listened closely to Jo-Jo's new PoP! song? the first verse and the chorus don't make ANY sense at all:
Ive been waitting all day for ya babe So want cha come and sit and talk to me Tell me how we are gonna be together always Hope you know when its late at night I hold on to my pillow tight (I never thought that any one) Could make me feel this way Now that your here all I want Is just a chance to say
CHORUS Get Out (Leave)Right now, It's the end of you and me Its too late (now) and I cant wait For you to be gone Cuz I know about her and I wonder (why) how I brought all the lies You said that you would treat me right But you were just a waste of time
ok, so basically she is saying "oh BABY! you're so amazing and even though I'm only 13 i think you are THE person that i want to marry!! oh we'll be SOO happy!!!" then we get to the chorus and all of a sudden she is telling him "eff off, you cheated on me!!"
whaa?!
so, anyway, that's what Becky thinks about when she is not contemplating "i'm just a box in a cage"means (or possessions, for that matter) . she analyzes frickin PoP! songs.
however, i'd like to make myself believe that i am a "big" enough person to believe that things are created aimed for different people. and so while i get the joy of listening from audio adrenaline to the yeah yeah yeahs, some ditz gets a great deal of joy from listening to JoJo, because as long as the beat rocks (or is it pops?) its a freaking awesome song.
another example. recently movies have come out, like Sleepover and Cinderella Story that my 11-yr old sister has been just dying to see. i, personally, think they might be just garbage, but the movie people were setting out to make films aimed at 11 year olds with parents who have some money, not at nearly broke 18-year old college freshmen.
so, basically, there are some pretty different people in the world. i have a hard time telling someone i hate country music, because they go on and on about how country music is the coolest thing ever, with valid evidence. but just cuz i hate it doesn't mean that you can't just adore it. there is always the "objective" view, but even objective can be subjective (what is "good" music anyway?"). i think i'll just be happy with what i have, and i'll be happy that other people can be happy with what they have. it would be nice if what makes me happy makes other people happy too, but i can't force that on them.
to each his own.
maybe this is why i have such a difficult time with politics. people complaining about stuff is just annoying sometimes. people have different beliefs, yet others think that their way is DEFINITELY the RIGHT way.
Modest Mouse tastes good right now.
which reminds me. i saw a billboard for PETA outside Chicago today. there was a picture of a pig, and it said, "he died for your sins."
it's things like this that make me want to take all the stuff i said about respecting other people's beliefs and hurl it to next thursday.
Friday, July 23, 2004
Monday, July 19, 2004
Sonshine was, amazing. so good. awesome. WOW
oh dear. my room is a lost cause. i hate going in it. i don't remember ever hating to go in my room.
shoot. blogger has now decided to put "change time & date" at the bottom of this typing window. the last time that was in an obvious place i screwed everything up.
here is an old school Relient K song. its pretty good, and it says a lot of things i want to say rather simply.
It smells so sweet outside today. The sun smiles down, I'm in the
shade. I sit and think about all my friends and how good they
are. But when today is yesterday, I know that things won't stay
the same. But I know that the memories won't go too far. Round
and round the world will turn. Lessons taught and lessons
learned. Jesus gets us through the good and bad times. And lets
us know that everything will be just fine. A year's passed since
I wrote this song. A lot's gone right a lot's gone wrong. But I
know that Jesus has been there right by my side. And I see the
sun still shines. It shines outside and in my life, and I know
that everything is gonna be just fine.
oh dear. my room is a lost cause. i hate going in it. i don't remember ever hating to go in my room.
shoot. blogger has now decided to put "change time & date" at the bottom of this typing window. the last time that was in an obvious place i screwed everything up.
here is an old school Relient K song. its pretty good, and it says a lot of things i want to say rather simply.
It smells so sweet outside today. The sun smiles down, I'm in the
shade. I sit and think about all my friends and how good they
are. But when today is yesterday, I know that things won't stay
the same. But I know that the memories won't go too far. Round
and round the world will turn. Lessons taught and lessons
learned. Jesus gets us through the good and bad times. And lets
us know that everything will be just fine. A year's passed since
I wrote this song. A lot's gone right a lot's gone wrong. But I
know that Jesus has been there right by my side. And I see the
sun still shines. It shines outside and in my life, and I know
that everything is gonna be just fine.
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
Monday, July 12, 2004
more disgusting Hummer news. today i saw yet another hummer, and this one had plates that said "His H2" and i have seen a red one that had "Her H2" plates.
GGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
im not much of an environmentalist, but save the planet y'all.
of course, i'm also appalled at what some people do for social status. hurl.
GGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
im not much of an environmentalist, but save the planet y'all.
of course, i'm also appalled at what some people do for social status. hurl.
Sunday, July 11, 2004
Friday, July 09, 2004
hmmm...this morning i woke up ONE minute before my alarm. however, that brings up the question of why did i set my alarm? the answer is that i don't want to sleep too late. but, what if i wanted to sleep late today?
ahh...conflict. sometimes it's pointless.
my sister just gave me this lip gloss that she was about to throw away because she doesn't like the color. i'll admit, it looks very pinky-red, but i'll try any lip gloss so here i am, looking quite like a clown. I will never ever wear it again, not because of the color, but because it STINKS LIKE
GAH just read the package. It is "herbal aroma lipgloss: Nourishing lipgloss with CARROT OIL??!?!"
oh jeez, it really does smell like carrots. the rotten kind, or like when you buy baby carrots and put them in Tupperware then after a week you open the lid and get a waft of scented air.
I guess the herbs in the lipgloss are supposed to transform you so "your words are healing." whatever the heck that means.
i didn't even know carrots had oil. go figure.
one more dilemma...what happens if you have AOL, and are supposed to fill out something for student aid, but the website says that they don't support an AOL browser, yet when you open internet explorer, it definitely does not work?
ahh...conflict. sometimes it's pointless.
my sister just gave me this lip gloss that she was about to throw away because she doesn't like the color. i'll admit, it looks very pinky-red, but i'll try any lip gloss so here i am, looking quite like a clown. I will never ever wear it again, not because of the color, but because it STINKS LIKE
GAH just read the package. It is "herbal aroma lipgloss: Nourishing lipgloss with CARROT OIL??!?!"
oh jeez, it really does smell like carrots. the rotten kind, or like when you buy baby carrots and put them in Tupperware then after a week you open the lid and get a waft of scented air.
I guess the herbs in the lipgloss are supposed to transform you so "your words are healing." whatever the heck that means.
i didn't even know carrots had oil. go figure.
one more dilemma...what happens if you have AOL, and are supposed to fill out something for student aid, but the website says that they don't support an AOL browser, yet when you open internet explorer, it definitely does not work?
Monday, July 05, 2004
walked on the treadmill once again today...upanddownandupanddownandupanddownandupanddown...
anyway, long overdue kudos...props to BoB for the iPod...it really rocks. (leave a comment, oh inconspicuous blog reader!)
life's kinda strange sometimes. you think you've figured out something, when really you haven't. then there are things that don't make sense.
one thing, for example, why can you make the sentence "I am." but not "I'm." ?
of course, there are heavier and more deeper things that i ponder. like what "I'm just a box (just a box)in a cage." means. and other things...
anyway, long overdue kudos...props to BoB for the iPod...it really rocks. (leave a comment, oh inconspicuous blog reader!)
life's kinda strange sometimes. you think you've figured out something, when really you haven't. then there are things that don't make sense.
one thing, for example, why can you make the sentence "I am." but not "I'm." ?
of course, there are heavier and more deeper things that i ponder. like what "I'm just a box (just a box)in a cage." means. and other things...
Sunday, July 04, 2004
just for clarification, "Maps" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs is like, one of the greatest songs ever.
why don't things seem to work? my cell phone is totally not functioning properly, blogger hasn't worked for days... ok, so that is not EVERYTHING in the whole wide world
is there such a thing as free thought?!!?!?
BRAVE SAINT SATURN IS FREAKING AWESOME.
however, what is absorbing my mind now is this song (hey look! a song! finally!) by SWITCHFOOT
"Sooner or Later (Soren's Song")
Come back and haunt me
Follow me home
Give me a motive
Swallow me whole
The way I've lost it
What could I know
When I'm but a mockery?
I'm so alone
Sooner of later you'll find out
There's a hole in the wall
Today is ours
Condemned to be free
Free to keep breathing
Free to believe
I look to find you
Down on my knees
Oh God, I believe!
Please help me believe
Sooner or later they'll find out
There's a hole in the wall
Sooner or later you'll find out
That you'll dream to be that small
I'm a believer, help me believe
I gave it all away and lost who I am
I threw it all away
With everything to gain
And I'm taking the leap
With dreams of shrinking
Yeah, dreams of shrinking
why don't things seem to work? my cell phone is totally not functioning properly, blogger hasn't worked for days... ok, so that is not EVERYTHING in the whole wide world
is there such a thing as free thought?!!?!?
BRAVE SAINT SATURN IS FREAKING AWESOME.
however, what is absorbing my mind now is this song (hey look! a song! finally!) by SWITCHFOOT
"Sooner or Later (Soren's Song")
Come back and haunt me
Follow me home
Give me a motive
Swallow me whole
The way I've lost it
What could I know
When I'm but a mockery?
I'm so alone
Sooner of later you'll find out
There's a hole in the wall
Today is ours
Condemned to be free
Free to keep breathing
Free to believe
I look to find you
Down on my knees
Oh God, I believe!
Please help me believe
Sooner or later they'll find out
There's a hole in the wall
Sooner or later you'll find out
That you'll dream to be that small
I'm a believer, help me believe
I gave it all away and lost who I am
I threw it all away
With everything to gain
And I'm taking the leap
With dreams of shrinking
Yeah, dreams of shrinking