yeah, yeah, yeah, another post

i heard a good thing at cru last nite that i needed to hear.

to be a humble Christian...

"Don't think less of yourself, but think of yourself less."

that is an answer i have been waiting for.

i wish some stuff didn't take so much patience. i suppose its better than living a hasty life, not enjoying stuff that comes along the way. not live then die.

have read some spectacular things in my devotional book, bringing up some new concepts.
for example, can you imagine where love doesn't exist? there's no compassion, no hope, no songs of praise. think of how much hate and guilt and detest there is in the world now...and imagine it all without all the good stuff. so, pretty much HELL.
its hard for me to picture this, even i know what it feels like to have little hope. i can't imagine none at all.
i hope there will be no hell on earth, it would be great if there was heaven...but there's no point of heaven on earth because what's to look forward to after death then?

another point...
"We keep no secrets from God. Confession is not telling God what we did. He already knows. Confession is simply agreeing with God that our acts were wrong..."
this clarifies another one of my confusions.
Cru is confessing on monday that what Christians have done in the past was wrong...but was apparently was in the name of God. i wonder how much we misinterpret God's message, or twist it in with our own wants. or perhaps we are learning from those people who made big mistakes, so we don't do it again. which would make me want to think that our world is going in a good direction.

i think we need to have more confidence in ourselves to encourage the world to go in the good direction...and not think less of ourselves, but of ourselves less.

oh jeez, one more post. i must be the person alex is talking about when he mentions people who blog three times a day.

here is an excerpt from the email i got from Relient K the other day, cuz i'm on the mailing list...

Alright. I know. Too many emails from those dumb relient k kids.

Well, this is the LAST email thingy that we're doing before (cue
elaborate parade going through your computer room)

OUR BRAND NEW ALBUM, MMHMM, COMES OUT ON NOVEMBER 2ND!!!!!!!

(cue clown tripping into tiger cage)
(cue laughter and applause from spectators)
(cue blood bath)

and ilana...whats up with this...
Also... If you have free time, or if you happen to know what's good
for you, you should join the official RK street team. Join up by
clickity clicking....

THIS LINK----->
http://www.thedst.com/relientk


thats all. i'm going to bed.

ok, i remembered another good thing, and how could i forget.

i declared a major today. i am planning on getting a degree in special education.

i have a future now. people ask me what my major is and i can say something besides "I'm undecided."

even though so many things went right today, i still found it hard to be optimistic.

but, when one is not optimistic, it helps to make a list of the things that went right today. and by today i mean thursday.

A. I found out iTunes has amazing quality music videos. you can see the whole thing, and for free.
B. I didn't have speech class.
C.

ok, whats really depressing is when you think a lot of things went well, and there were only a few things. but the iTunes thing rocked pretty hard.

maybe its the colored leaves, so beautiful, so dead on the ground. the crying clouds, the nagging wind, the emptied happiness.

for what it's worth...

i get down, He lifts me up, i get down, He lifts me up

yeah! audio adrenaline. it's a nice break from Mozart and Beethoven, tho they aren't bad either.

getting my daily dose of rambling to the world done early today. knowing me, i may be back for seconds, but i'd hate to eat too much.

yeah, anyway, speaking of food...

tonite at dinner the Geisert cafeteria was decorated for halloween...i had Brain strings with blood, or something. (that would be pasta and marinara, for those who have little imagination) and shrimp! was happy about that. it was cute.

i'm so proud of myself, for several reasons.
A. Brought umbrella to french class.
B. Understood most of what was said in french class.
C. Already did some studying for speech test next Tuesday.
D. Have been going to bed about midnite lately.

one thing i am not very proud about is that i havent mailed in my ballot. i just dont know what to do about it. i thought i did, but now i dont. better get informed pretty quickly, it has to be there next monday.

back to Symphonies and rondos and Sonatas. bye!

"i wanna be your hands i wanna be your feet i'll go where you send me go where you send me i'll be your hands i'll be your feet i'll go where you send me go where you send me and i'll try yeah i'll try to touch the world like you've touched my life and i'll find my way to be your hands!"

so, i put so much energy into writing the last post there should be a 48-hour allowance of time before i post again.

ok, i'll be honest with you, i was gonna say 24-hour allowance of time, but it has been 24 hours. booyah

my roomie had a good day today. and i'm really happy for her, and it was fun just to see it. not to say i had a miserable day -- allergies suck and should die -- i had a good day. i'll say a day of contentment. nothing spectacular, but so ordinary it made it wonderful.
and tonite at worship@fullvolume we sang "it is you," only one of my most favorite songs.

an innovative way to freshen your room...put a fan in the window and put a dryer sheet between the fan and the window screen.

according to my BU flip calender, today is Sourist Day. whatever the hell that means. does it mean people who are really...sour? do we eat sour foods? why would anyone make a day for it anyway?

I'm surprised how much homework I have gotten done today. I still have some to do. un peu. and it's almost eleven o'clock. bed?
any ideas for a persuasive speech?

alors, je sais que j'ai deja bloge` aujourd'hui, mais, je veux ecriver.

n'inquietez pas, cette post n'est pas tous en francais. je promis.

so, i don't really have a lot of homework this week. its crazy. how is this happening. i'm not trying to rub in other people's faces who are swamped this week. and i'm not complaining...not by a long shot...i just hope i dont waste my time. don't let me, friends, ok?

one interesting thing about having a lot of music is that you forget you have some of it. it's impossible to listen to it all, my iTunes consists of two and a half days. (((i could be in a situation that nicoal is in and have five days of music.))) the thing is that i forget how wonderful an artist is, then am reminded of how wonderful he/she/they are. currently, i am reinfatuating myself with ben kweller. and putting my favorite song on my away message has made me have more common ground with meg. and introducing nicoal to him is what started this whole love affair.
don't know why i love ben kweller so much. he doesn't even really remind me of a specific time, i dont think. maybe i have to pound him into my head, then i'll remember...10th grade maybe? oh wait, i remember spring break this year, anxiously anxiously awaiting my autographed copy of his latest album. spring break was such a good time, I don't think i'll ever ever forget...

i feel silly saying "i love ben kweller," when really i dont love him, i love his music. besides, he got married and has devoted endearingly two songs to his wife. why, just listen to "lizzy" and "believer."
boys are silly anyway.
girls are silly.
*sigh* the whole thing can be stupid.

i bought a new cd at HoTToPiC for only FIVE DOLLA the other day...called "A Near Fatal Fall."

i'm assuming you all can figure out what the theme is, but it was put out by Tooth & Nail, so all the artists are Christian. But, i was surprised by the way many of the singers screamed, waaaaaailed, etc. Quite possibly the heaviest music i own. It was just something different, but if you are trying to reach those people who have seemingly no hope, its a way. anyways, there was some not-as-heavy stuff on there, like Watashi Wa (((see their album The Love of Life cover pictured below.)))
((())),
which is quickly becoming a favorite. (((if i ever told you they were breaking up, please disregard...dunno where i had read that))) anyway, awesome lyrics to have come from them...

Others care for you, do you care for them as well?
I have learned that depression comes when our eyes are on ourselves.
Pessimistically you have trained your mind to think.
Life is down, always down because you chained yourself to misery.

So look up, joy in,
Begin to deepen.
To think things humbly, to lock up pride and throw away key.
To think things humbly, to lock up pride and throw away key.
Things always work out you know it’s fine,
but somehow they get complex in our minds
I promise if we’d all serve humbly life would be all right,
I know you’ll see.

got to hear some old favorites like Anberlin too.

word from the now wise...if you are surfing the internet and have your headphones on and decide to listen to a clip of music, remove your headphones and push play, adjust volume accordingly, then put headphones back on.
my brain feels like little kids have been jumping on it.
maybe i'll go to bed early tonite. heh, yeah right.

this page is beginning to look like an advertisement.
which reminds me...
was 10% watching the world series game on TV, some journalist was talking to Tom Hanks and Jimmy Fallon just happened to be at the game...
wouldntcha know, the journalist started asking them questions about their recent and upcoming movies.
blatant advertising, if i do say so myself.
maybe i notice these things more than i used to because of my COM 101 class. picking media apart and looking at how its raping our lives.
coming full circle, here i am promoting all these artists, shoving their media into your faces. i promise i'm not getting paid, if that makes up for anything. meh, i dont think it does.

enough rambling, heres to screwing copyrights and hypocrisy.

*jeez, someone's bitter tonite* maybe its those darn kids jumping on my brain

ca, c'est tout.

Just some promoting...ask me about it. 

my family came all the way down just to visit me! good times

i made some revelations this weekend. no, i'm not kidding. i've connected all my thoughts, and related them to one thing.

self-worth.

i'm still a little confused about it, but things are working in my brain.

it's pretty weird how you can think you know a whole lot, then you realize that there is a lot you don't know. maybe one day i'll realize how much i will never know.

i think time for homework now

WHAT?!?! I didn't post yesterday?!?! Maybe I'm not as OBD as i thought.

went to the gym today, listened to nicoal's The Killer's cd...good workout music. interesting words, but still good.
"somebody told me that you had a boyfriend that looked like a girlfriend that i had in february of last year"
yep...but "Somebody told me" is a really good song.

my roomie and i opened up our room again for prospective student tours. I'm never here when they come in, so i wonder if they really do come in our room, but hey we got free donuts this morning!

I'm in a Keane mood today. I'm surprised how much they remind me of MUTEMATH. it seems to be lately that its a one or the other day. and sometimes Snow Patrol. all somewhat similar, emo rock synthsizey vibe...dunno, good stuff.
perhaps this is suggesting some bizarre shoeoemeoeshoememeshome something in my brain.
uh, yeah

random fact for the day according to the BU flip calendar: Male sweat brightens the mood of females.
(Oh yes, this is why I loooooooooved walking thru the gym halls at CHS after the football players finished with practice...YUCK! Where do they get this stuff!?)
random fact for yesterday according to the BU flip calendar (since i *sob* didnt post yesterday!): On average 100 people die each year from choking on a ball-point pen.
(Don't chew your pens kids! It's gross anyway!)

one last thing...a Warning. Please don't watch the "Bedshaped" video by Keane. Just don't. You'll watch it and you will think of it every time you hear the gorgeous, beautiful, amazing song. And it's an ugly video. Stay away!

well, have aboot four hours before the fam gets here, so maybe, just maybe, i'll do some homework. maybe. or i'll go class shopping.

Here is a picture from the Switchfoot concert that i couldn't go to. Rock on tho! 

i believe i am developing OBD.

(((obsessive blogging disorder)))

does this have side effects of talking to oneself? i find myself doing that even more.. :-
have been streaming clips from the new Jimmy Eat World CD...its sounds pretty good...what have YOU heard about it??

now i've completely forgotten why i got back on in the first place...

me ordering a smoothie this morning --

"A strawberry squeeze, please."

trying something new... 

observation...Special K bars no longer come with a cardboard slidey thing to hold it in there. unless i have a DEFECTIVE PACKAGE!!!

ok, so leaps and bounds onto the bandwagon.


Which File Extension are You?

i think that's hilarious! (AND MORE TROUBLE THAN ITS WORTH.)

"reset" is on here for the gazillionth time.

brains fart!!
homework!!

a picture of me and my other gorgeous sister. the gorgeous one is on the left. the doofy one on the right is me! 

freaking awesome.

i just downloaded hello! so now i can share all my pictures with you. if you download it too we can be friends!

so, was freaking out about speech today. went well.
was minorly freaking about french midterm today. went fine.

i actually couldn't sleep last night. that's really strange, I havn't had that problem since i got here.
and fortuneately God woke me up this morning, as i forgot to turn my alarm on.

i really believe drinking a lot of water makes you lose weight and makes you just feel better. yeah, and run to the bathroom every twenty minutes.

HOO-RAY. homework is finally gonna slow down. i can relax. or do stuff that's due later in November.

*blushing* am streaming MUTEMATH again. is fantashtick shtuff.

i feel like writing again.

i am sitting here at my desk, blogging, while my dad and my sister are at a switchfoot concert. boo.

at least day was positive experience.

hehe, ilana i just did it again.

Look at the shirt i bought for my lovely sister for her birthday. YEAH FIF! 

k, i'm a bit freaking out about stuff.
socially, homeworkly, musically.

blah.

mutemath, mutemath, mutemath, mutemath, mutemath

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Take control of the atmosphere
Take control of the atmosphere
There is no reason I should breathe unless you're in the air
Take control "Control"

Like an instrument for a song
Like the sun for tomorrow's dawn
Every moment of time's just an answer to find
What you're here for, what you breathe for, what you wake for, what you bleed for "Progress"

and look at this one. i can't find anywhere to stream it...and i want to sooo bad
Down on my knees down on my face
You just say its ok
so many days i've thrown away
you just say its ok
i dont think i could ever repay
you're perfect grace, but its ok

its ok, its ok
its ok, its ok
you've become my embrace
just tell me its ok

your precious words intoxicate
a heart that ches; its ok
you dont recall my past mistakes
you just say its ok
this human mind can't calculate
your perfect grace, but its ok

even though you've seen a thousand times
i've let you down
you're always there if i should call your name
you're unashamed, unashamed "OK"

stupid homework

you know you are mature when you can laugh at yourself. you know you are even more mature when you feel comfortable with people laughing at you.

i'm feeling rather comfortable with myself today.

so, i had to go to french class, but first i had to go the cashier's office. i walk out of the dorm building, with about 15 minutes before 3 (class at three). i realize it is raining, thus, i need my new umbrella, no way do i want to ruin my new pink sweater. however, the door with no handle has closed behind me, so i have to walk around the building to the door handle, walk back to my room, only to discover that i put my umbrella is in my backpack.

it gets better.

i go to the cashier's office, cash the check, walk outside. i realize my critical homework is in my dorm room. i swear under my breath, check the clock...2:55. so, i take off back towards the dorm. i call my roomie, asking her to open the no handle door, and she happily is there when i get there. i dash to the room, grab my binder, take a deep breath hearing "uhh, you have two minutes to get to class" and take off, once again, towards french class. it's still raining, and i fear i've broken my brand new umbrella because it won't stay open. luckily for me, i live on a small campus, but Bradley hall is relatively far away, and french class happens to be on the second floor. i finally get there, pinker than my new pink sweater, glasses with raindrops and fog, glistening from perspiration.
"desole'" i say, and take my seat. i open my binder i had grabbed from my room...no homework. i pull out the folder i take everywhere with me...homework present there. so, i had my homework the whole time.

doh

just remember, if something stupid happens to you, its really funny later. at least i think it is.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. -- 2 Corinthians 14:16-18

hello!

i am back at school...which means lovely, delicious hi-speed internet. I asked my dad when he would be getting it at home...lemme just say he's the kind of person that will go as long as possible with something that works just fine.

i learned in EHS 120 this morning that me and my peers are known as the "Millenium Generation" (pooksh pooksh...fireworks abound) and we ARE GOING TO CHANGE THE WORLD. Just thought I'd let you know.

its a bit worthless for me to try to do some homework now, because, well, my computer is right here and i missed it so much...ok, thats a little sad...

another thing that's really sad is how long it took me to unpack all my stuff last night after i got back. it seriously took an hour...

i heart prepackaged food. today for lunch i heated water and poured a dry tomato soup mix in it (freakin crutons included!!). it tasted fine, but imagine my excitement when i discovered there were three more packages of dry tomato soup mix in the box! WOW!

was listening to the beauty of Keane this weekend...besides having tears streaming down my face, i noticed the lyrics in "Sunshine"

I hold you in my hands
A little animal
And only some dumb idiot
Would let you go
But if I'm one thing
Then that's the one thing
I should know
Can anybody find their home
Out of everyone
Can anybody find their home

GAH! i've only been here for less than four days and i am really getting annoyed with AOL!! i miss my hi-speed....

i agree with ilana when she said that homework is always the original intent of getting on the internet

a note about the last, waaaaaaaaay unsensored post: if we center our worries about what God thinks, then that should be the only thing we should concern ourselves about. this is what i want and hope and pray to think, but there is always that nagging voice telling me that there are so many people out there who are concerned about my image, because in this world it does matter...its so confusing.

and, going a long with self-sensorship...i feel like i expose too much too early...

i figured out why being at home is mildly depressing...it reminds me of summer, yes, a distressing time, but it also seems like i missed out on something, like, a lot of stuff happened while i was gone...how did it go from august to october?? and i'm not really staying here, because in a little bit i have to pack up my clothes again and leave...not like i really unpacked anyway.

ok, more later...@ school

ok. here i am. at home.

there is something mildly depressing about it. maybe because i have to go back to school? maybe because it reminds me of the end of summer? i've been sitting and wondering about it, but that just is pathetic, and i have other things to do.

like homework. which i am currently not doing.

anyway, being at home makes me feel like writing, but i left my journal at school, along with my Bible, which is disappointing. however, my journal being at school is a lame excuse for not writing, i know.

being tired is kinda sucky, it makes me fall asleep at inopportune times, makes me say lame stuff, makes me really not say the right thing (which is a pain anyway), makes me unconversational, and BLAH.

last nite i started reading Job (that would be pronounced "Jobe," and if you dint know that the next sentence is for you). i think you should too. i should also read The Fountainhead again, just because. (maybe over Christmas break)

i did hear a good point made in church on Sunday, that sometimes we are so busy we don't have time to stop and reflect. even though i go on and on about how (over)thinking is annoying and it has to stop, because then i get myself in trouble. it's a balance, Aristotle's flipping Mean. striving for perfection but we never really get there, because we can't. are we supposed to be happy with who we are or change, at least for the better? it's not right to live your life shaped by other people's expectations, but you have to keep their respect because they inevitably form opinions about you which dictate how they think of you and what kind of person you are...
...err, perfection. they talked about that in church, too, now that i remember. we cant be perfect. we can't we can't we can't we can't we can't we can't. maybe its our society that pushes us to be like that. but we can't just be happy with the way we are. i don't know. its just recently i don't understand how we are supposed to be happy and content with ourselves, when the way we are is mediocre and we were meant to live better than that. we shouldn't change to please other people, but to please ourselves....but how selfish is that. we're around people who have to put up with us everyday, and maybe they even enjoy that, but if we think and feel and are really "good" we take this into consideration and change to please the people we love, because we really DO CARE.
it is kind of funny how you know when you do stuff wrong, so you know you don't do that again, but when you do something right you can't always tell, so it goes unnoticed, and when it comes to do something similar you aren't even sure what is right or wrong, so you can go and do it wrong. i wonder what things i have been doing right my whole life, because they haven't been causing me any problems. perhaps drinking water? no wait, there have been times when i've gotten somewhat dehydrated. so maybe its good if we're all a bunch of f-ups after all.

if you can't tell, i'm in the states of confusion and minnesOta. (wouldn't it be cool if "confusion" was spelled "konfyoozun?") maybe i have to go back to school to figure myself out, but i'm here at home where i can supposedly gather myself and slip back into the good ol' minnesOta dialect. it's kinda like Garden State (which by the way comes out in 77 days on DVD; check ilana's blog often) but we all know that it really isn't.

The Snake The Cross The Crown is one high quality band, and they don't even have a real website yet. Don't you feel in the loop now??

the point i think i was trying to make has been lost within itself, whatever that means.

ok, i really think its time to get off the internet now.

recently i've had thoughts of selfishness again. and if you know me, you know that i really struggle with selfishness. it's like i can't come up with a solution, and i have to settle for complacency. which, isn't really a conclusion at all. so, maybe thats why its an ongoing struggle. perhaps it isn't all bad, because it keeps me in check.

i really hate twisted self-evaluation.
yeah, its necessary.
heh, since i always complain about how i don't know who i am...

this is annoying

its exciting beyond belief...just scroll down and look on the right!! a relient k link!! its so pretty you just can't help yourself from clicking on it!! hurrah! and i wore my relient k shirt today!! and got more comments. and i'm wearing my red shoes. i dont think a day can get much better.

i'm ready to go home, at least for a little bit.

its really awesome to have friends that will listen to you complain about stuff, and show you that things are really better than you think they are. and for that, i am really thankful and indebted.

check out the MUTEMATH link to the right. you wont be disappointed.