My baby fifteen year old sister is beautiful, and nobody tells her.

The past three times I've said "fuck" there is always someone there to comment that they have "never heard me say that before."

Wtf?

Skip your prayer for me today and take the time to pick up your crap in the kitchen.

I'm looking for a way to start (this post, that is).

But really, when I think about it, I'm at full speed ahead.
I might trip sometimes, but what else is new ;-)

watch our words spread hope like fire

I glimpsed into the conscience of a three-year old today.

She kept shoveling the sand out of her sandbox, gleefully proclaiming, "I digging!" I told her to keep the sand in the sandbox; that she can dig a hole just fine by tossing the sand to another location within her cubicle.
This incident repeated itself two times, then finally I squatted down next to her and looked at her expectantly.
"Mommy said I could do it..."
"Really. Mommy directly said you could throw sand out of your sandbox."
Her eyes were averted as she kept affirming herself, until she was finally overcome with goodness. Sorrowful tears began to fall.
I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her close, knowing she loved me.

So, yesterday in my Honors Seminar we asked a lot of hypothetical questions and discussed things that don't have answers. It made me think about when I used to think of everything as unanswerable.

And maybe things are. Like how all of a sudden I am ridiculously attatched to a schedule, how I freak out if I don't have anything planned. All I have today is class at 4:30 pm; a blistering hot afternoon awaits. Maybe I'll go to Barnes and Noble or something...

Well, if there aren't any answers, there's justifiable causes. A list of potential reasons why things have turned out the way they have. But a subsequent action? Doing the best you can do.

In regards to my honors seminar, that means not losing sight of whats beautiful while maintaining a sense of pragmatism and finding pride in the aspects that make use uniquely American. Salvage the good thats been lost while keeping a straight head, if you will.

It sounds difficult, maybe? Salvaging the good of myself was difficult enough, but think of what we can do together.

This is hard.
This is responsibility.
This is mediation.
This is life.

Can it be true? There was a month I didn't blog at all?

I got up early today on my own (6:45), unloaded the dishwasher, took a shower, walked with arm a little bit, and went with the roommate to Wal-Mart -- all by 10:30.

We celebrated with French Press coffee and $1.50 Clearance Chocolate Mocha Chunk muffins. Lovely? Quite.

I went to my last counseling session on Monday. I feel like I can not lose my focus while I do homework. Essay writing has improved thanks to my English class. I've been making a mental list of things to do this summer, and I am starting to think I'll actually get around to doing them.

I am a smartass sometimes, but I move on.

I am myself, and I'm revelling.
And you can stand under my umbrella.

Badadadumba, a dear dear friend

edit: 3/24/07 21:06

I had a post, but it was lame.

Lets just say, spring is coming and I'm happy about that.

My life is like an avacado.


Yeah. Guacamole.

Contrary to popular belief, I have not been crowned the Queen of England and have therefore been busy running the United Kingdom, nor has Trent Reznor asked me to his marketing guru and scare the hell out of everyone so that I don't have time to blog.

Honestly I have been busy enjoying people, birthdays, large, perpetual quantities of homework, and a martini or two.

Oh yes. And a LOT of coffee.

But it's Saturday morning, the sun is shining oh so brightly, and there's a hot pot of coffee for me in the kitchen. And I'm going to see Page France tonight. And my feet will be on Floridian soil in a mere seven days.

january, february, march and april -- i'm alive

I always feel lazy on Monday mornings. Especially today since school's not in session for PSD 150 and I didn't go tutor. Its nearly eleven and yes, I'm still in my pajamas.

I feel like I make up for it all of the mornings I'm up before eight.

Anyway, I'm subconsciously addicted to this song called "Grace Kelly" by Mika. Apparently everybody and their uncle loves this song in the UK, and its almost too infectious. But he reminds me of Freddie Mercury and he's singing very happily about being himself.

I'm on the brink of saying something profound. Not yet.

I like discovering the meanings to the word "happy." Maybe I'll list it as an "Interest" on facebook.

On an unrelated (?) note I tried to organize the bottom of my closet today and realized how many bags I have. I found my summer purses to which I exclaimed, "Oh! My pink purse! I forgot about that!" quite delightfully.

I was so excited to get back to a structured schedule. Now my schedule keeps conflicting with itself. Whats happening here?

Like my mom told me yesterday, "you might take two steps forward and then a step back."

Steps back suck.

It was in Starbucks yesterday that I remembered why I'm here and why I'm alive.

And I won't forget what's happened. It's yet another thing that made me the person I am now. And I have no interest to forget myself again.

...and I'm figuring out THAT'S what love is. its being there for someone no matter what they are going through and whether they feel like they need you or not and not letting go. it's wanting to be there and not a duty or an obligation in a sense, but you're there because you love them. and you try the best you can despite whatever is going on in your life. love is not feelings of inadequacy or like you're not good enough for something. it's not apathy, its not self-interest, its not sticking to your own thoughts and rules. it is about allowing yourself to be changed and the belief you can have an impact on the people you love (1/25/07)

I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to live like I know what I'm leaving
I want a heart that I know is beating,
It's beating... it's beating...
I'm bleeding

jeez, I post too much, don't I?

I think the year ended in the most perfect way possible.

Today at Caribou I knew Death Cab for Cutie was the answer to the daily trivia question.

I bought the Josh Ritter CD finally today. I love it.

"i was singing without knowing the words"