So, I've converted.

To Blogger Beta, that is.

I was reading the FAQ's and they said eventually all will have to switch, so why not do it now and save myself the "because you have to, Becky."

Now there's the tantalizing idea of changing my template to something REALLY cool. But I like this template just fine, especially since I've worked so hard on it. Hmmm...

Anyway, my life has failed to be uninteresting, like most of this semester/year. I've learned a lot about perceptions and goodness and truth. Much of which has caused me to feel more confused. But even though a great deal of that sucks, I feel myself as growing as a person, more than I have in years.

But sometimes I just feel a bit dead. Maybe you've felt that way too; everyone around you is talking and making sense with one another, or the music is playing and there's no internal rhythm moving through your head. And I have to think about how I want to be involved. If I do.

It was really nice to be reached this morning after feeling so sporadically unaffected. I couldn't help but feel softened when Jon Foreman sang "this is the way that I say that I love you" in "Learning to Breathe."



There's a nice picture from the Library of Congress archives that I used in my Technology Class powerpoint about Women's Suffrage. The women are peacefully protesting in front of the White House, something that nobody had had the gall to do before. The sign says, "MR. PRESIDENT HOW LONG MUST WOMEN WAIT FOR LIBERTY." It's sad to think they were all probably brutally jailed. Anyway, it's interesting to look at pictures of the suffragests, clothed in their historical dresses, and think about the radical things they did/ideals they stood for, and how so many people condemn or don't appreciate that determination.
Talk about perception and goodness and truth.

Well, THAT was an interesting day.

Lots of extrospective perspectives. (That's finding out what other people think of you (I think).)

I need to get my act together and stop being that girl that uses so many words to say so little.

It feels like some of my most frustrating moments ever are sitting right here in front of this computer at home. Maybe I should just avoid that in the future.

Anyway, I did half of my math homework, and I got my phone pictures up on Facebook. Sweet.

I also got the new Decemberists cd today for a steal at $8. My favorite song is still by far "Sons & Daughters" where it has this dancy feel to it that builds and builds, then ends with "hear all the bombs, they fade away" confidently echoed by people. It's pretty/empowering/happy/resolved/makes me really glad I'm listening to it.

Time for bed. Then getting everything together to head back to facing life.

Yay! I survived the week of no music!

And seeing Ben Kweller was awesome!

Sometimes I want this thinking thing to stop! And become a girl who obliges with what she's told to do and says what she thinks she supposed to say! And feel happy and content and secure about her life!
I CAN'T DO IT!

How's it going, eh?



Surprisingly, I'm surviving. There are times I want to unwind by listening to a good song, or add another factor of destressing to driving my car, or keep time while I run, but my silent week has been bearable. There haven't really been any relapses of Sunday night where I was just going insane.

Also, I've come to realize how much music is EVERYWHERE. Limiting what I can initiate makes me see that everyone around me is doing what I "can't" do. My roommate plays it from her room, every third car on the street has windows rolled down and the bass pumped up, Panera has ambient jazz from their BOSE speakers.

I thought the no music was going to make me horribly crabby, which it did on Monday. So I took some time to just go somewhere by myself and read and write, and magically I could live with myself again.
In essence, getting rid of the distractions and taking some time just to think.

I'm going to cut the emo/philosophical crap and get to homework now. Which I had more than I realized this week. Hooray for limited distractions so I can focus on it?

No day but today.

I might be a real idiot.

I'm trying to go without music until Friday.


The big question on everyone's mind is,

Why?

I could be doing to say, "HAH look at all this self discipline it looks like I have," or, "I'm a masochist," or "I'm bored with my life and I am looking for ways to make it interesting," or "I need a new way for people to feel SORRY for me."

I'm really hoping it's none of those, though.
I hope it's more like, "I love music. But what do I love about it?" Or "What am I missing out on because I ALWAYS HAVE to have music going?" or "What feelings do I have if music isn't there to cheer me up?"

Honestly, I'm going a little crazy. It's a Sunday night and I spent much of the weekend doing homework and I just want to unwind. Songs come into my head that I want to hear and I CAN'T. I feel a feeling and I want a song to sing it back to me but all I get is "....." I can't dance around to the beat, I can't feel satisfied with the way the notes rise and fall.

I'm hoping that getting rid of a "distraction" isn't going to be distracting.
I feel sad and a little confused and unsure of what comes next.

But right now I can't help but ask, is that the point?