wow.

"Life Turned Upside Down"

by Badly Drawn Boy

Growth demands a temporary surrender of security.

-Gail Sheehy

it seems like the more i slip into the present the harder i hold on to the past.

i dont know whats right.

but it hurts.

campus crusade for Christ was really fun.

was so excited to hear "here i am to worship" this morning when i woke up on my alarm. and this amazing song yesterday.

"Sea of Faces"--Kutless

I see the city lights all around me
Everyone's obscure
Ten million people each with their problems
Why should anyone care

And in Your eyes I can see
I am not just a man, vastly lost in this world
Lost in a Sea of Faces
Your body's the bread, Your blood is the wine
Because you traded Your life for mine

Sometimes my life it feels so trivial
Immersed in the greatness of space
Yet somehow you still find the time for me
It's then You show me Your love

And In Your eyes I can see
And in Your arms I will be
I am not just a man, vastly lost in this world
Lost in a Sea of Faces
Your body's the bread, Your blood is the wine
Because you traded Your life for mine

If only my one heart
Was all you'd gain from all it cost
Well I know you would have still been a man
With a reason
To willingly offer your life

I am not just a man, vastly lost in this world
Lost in a Sea of Faces
Your body's the bread, Your blood is the wine
Because you traded Your life for mine

Just one in a million faces

now to sleep

huh, wow, so i'm in college.

its fun, and really hot/humid, and lots of new people. its blowing my mind how many new people there are here. i can't believe i'm absorbing how many new people there are. i dont know what i would do with myself if there were even more new people. now i'm sounding redundant redundant redundant.....

i saw a hypnotist tonight. i highly recommend seeing one before you die; even if you think its fake is undeniably hilarious.

little ceaser's pizza doesnt deliver. *&^*&%*&. it caused much more frustration in me than i think it should have.

mmm, yummy, high speed internet.

classes start on Wednesday. hmmmm...i think that will require me to THINK.

bye!

Nobody said it was easy,
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.
I'm goin' back to the start.

coldplay, the scientist

so, maybe its like a song. you know there's an end, but when you are listening to it, you get so caught up in how beautiful and smart and amazing it is and if it could play forever you would be blissfully happy. but it ends, usually after "the best part," when they climax with powerful music and stunning words. but as the song fades away, and you think the best three minutes and twenty-eight seconds of your life have just passed, the next song begins to play...

so, this is post number one hundred. i should throw a party. monetary gifts are very welcome. making my stuff magically packed would be even more welcome.

here is a supposed landmark entry. i guess i just put that upon myself and my blog. i should say that blog entry 114 is a huge milestone...and it will be fabulous. its even huger than 100. just because...i said so. its bizarre how anniversaries and birthdays have landmark days. and they are all divisible by five, or heck, even ten. and parties begin at 7:00 or 7:30. i guess order like that prevents the planet from chaos.

hurrah. i love "play crack the sky"

this unimportant entry will publish at 11:59 August 17th, 2004, even though my computer clock will say otherwise.

post numba 99:

i looked up "life" in the aol dictionary. here are some of my favorites.
1 a : the quality that distinguishes a vital and functional being from a dead body
2 a : the sequence of physical and mental experiences that make up the existence of an individual b : one or more aspects of the process of living
4 : spiritual existence transcending physical death
10 : spirit, animation
11 : the form or pattern of something existing in reality
12 : the period of duration, usefulness, or popularity of something
18 : an opportunity for continued viability
19 : GOD

its so intangible...

i bought the Keane cd...tastes good. We Might as Well be Strangers, and Go to Somewhere Only We Know, because Everybody's Changing, and This is the Last Time.

michelle branch is some sort of lyrical genius

last day of my job is tomorrow. will be awkwardly welcoming, but not as bittersweet as monday.

goodbye only goes so far.

i hope i dont fall into a sappy cliche.

hey, wasn't i going to go to bed?

God's pretty amazing.

the sky is lacking a moon tonight, so here i am with moon quotes that i have collected this summer.

"After much reflection, the moon realized the sun is god."
--Lawrence Ferlinghetti

"Outside naked, shiverin looking blue, from the cold
Sunlight that’s reflected off the moon."
--Modest Mouse

"Be like the moon, reflect the Son."
--some smart person

ok, another conclusion has been reached.

so, your mom may have taken your little sister to the orthodontist before shuttling her over to camp. thus making you realize that she does not think you are an irresponsible juvenile and you feel like quite the assumer. (if you dont know what i'm talking about see Conclusions below)

also, attempting to blog while someone is watching tv behind you almost never works. its like the box sucks all of the thoughts out of your head.

and, if you don't write something down, you WILL forget it. like some conclusions i made earlier.

but it is strange how stuff happens when you're not around.

so, i have made several conclusions this morning.
one. if you get home late, then wake up in the morning and then you realize that you are supposed to take your little sister to camp at 9:30 and the time is currently 8:45, reality is still possible. however, your mom will think that you are an irresponsible juvenile that just likes to party very late and sleep even later, and so she will take your sister for you, even though she asked you to do this favor on sunday.
two. the very best place to watch music videos on the channels that i have (basic extended cable? i'm not sure) is the vh1 top twenty countdown. there is a decent host, few commercial breaks, you get to see the entire video, and there is NO rap! exceptions, usher was numba two, and black eyed peas somewhere in there; but no club/streets rap. AAAND i got to see "The Reason," a clever video, "Float On," and "One Thing."
three. people who call you on the phone and want to make sending you magazines easier are not trying to make life easier for you but they want money. then when you tell them that, they hang up, and they no longer care what the weather is like here.
four. speaking of weather, 50s in august is RIDICULOUS.
five. i think i want to make a goals list for college. i think i am hesitant making goals lists because i always disappoint myself, no matter how simple the goals are. but, i think i have a fresh perspective, and goals will help me get acclimated to my new life.
six. i am going to be an adult. like, i can do stuff. on my own. whatever i want, pretty much. pretty bizarre. i guess i never really saw myself as 18 years old, much less 30.
seven. redhotchilipeppers are quite good.
eight. i'm buying Keane and Sanctus Real cd's on thursday.
nine. i think i have more, but its time to go to work. its been a conclusive morning

hehe, i wonder if dangerously dressed women in rapper videos relize how absolutely ridiculous they appear when they are trying to look SEXXYYY!!??!? and the guys show off their ICE, while the brand labels on their clothes are fuzzed out.

hehehehehehehehehehehe

oh dear, R. Kelly. i think that means its time for me to turn the tv off and hehe stop updating the world every five minutes.

so, another comment on well, yesterday's entries.
so what am i supposed to do?

MTV shows music videos at 1 a.m.!! am watching Badly Drawn Boy now. is good video..."Year of the Rat"

hehe, now i just watched the dairy queen brownie batter blizzard commercial. hehe, the one where the guy...well, i just hope you see it.

and now i just saw a commercial featuring "We Will Rock You" for American Eagle. um, why? the clothes will make you an 80s rock star that is going to make you the coolest person ever?

oh yeah. and i heard "Dare You To Move" on mainstream radio today. yep.

ok, time for more videos. goonite

ok, so in the past ten minutes i've thought about it. so now i say--

rock on ccm musicians!

THERE. no more pink background.

ok, my brain is working again, thanks to sleeping til 11. and now i remember what i was going to write about. so i read this pretty interesting thing the other day--

When we submit to God's plans, we can trust our desires. Our assignment is found at the intersection of God's plan and our pleasures. What do you love to do? What brings you joy? What gives you a sense of satisfaction?...The longings of your heart, then, are not incidental; they are critical messages. The desires of your heart are not to be ignored; they are to be consulted. As the wind turns the weather vane, so God uses your passions to turn your life. God is too gracious to ask you to do something you hate.

however, one must not confuse desires with temptations. its an interesting prospect; i think i need to think about it some more.


off to clean. or just move stuff around.

interesting day.

i really dont feel like i got any sleep last night. the dreams i had were so vivid and lifelike i really felt like i was in HUGE trouble. and i was so cold. and i felt so conscious, but everything happened and i couldnt do anything about it.

then i woke up. heh, "woke up"

at work, one of the girls on the staff had her car broken into and her purse stolen. we were like 200 ft away, and...it happened.

then i went to the fair with the kids, and it was so hot, and i was so sweaty.
then my cell phone spazzed out on me.

then i went on a college shopping spree at Walmart. Hurrah!

kglieliekhgikug

that was me falling asleep on the keyboard.

the background is still pink. gaaaah........

oh i feel like i have dumped hours of thought and insight into here.

yep, should definitely be in bed. or talking to friends. but i know that i have to get up at 8 am.

what is a girl to do...

a larger question than you may think

ugh, i'm so sick of this pink background. soooo sick. it reminds me of a soft piece of fresh bubble gum, faintly smelling of sweet sugar.
I HATE BUBBLE GUM.

watching music videos for two hours is probably not a good thing. esp since i really dont have everything for college(ah, details). but i saw Finger Eleven and Switchfoot and the Killers (who have a good song, btw). along with Fresh King and Rappa Kool Jo and everybody else who raps with P. Diddy and has three HUMMERS and has five houses with pools and dangerously dressed women. and LOTS of commercials.
ahem. *gains composure*
so, i'm weighing the amount of time i spent on watching CRAP vs. the good videos i saw. hmm...was deftly worth it

(i'm totally not going to remind myself that i have the "dare you to move" video on dvd and can pop it in whenever i feel like it, including now. minor details)

i am reaching the conclusion that kids don't actually hate me as i had previously rendered!!

ANYWAY, have a super good day, World!!!!
if at all possible rock out to the amazingness that is audio adrenaline!!!!
and mtv isn't really all that great--just make your sister watch it then have her tell you when the GOOD videos come on.

I don't want you to be alone down there
To be alone down there, to be alone
-modest mouse

ok. so here is a song by switchfoot that i have played a couple times since i last published. its stuck at the end of a new way to be human.

"Under the Floor"

Under the floor
Between me and the door
There's a presence
I cannot deny

It's under the car
Between me and the stars
I see glory filling up the sky
And I'm certain that he hears me
He listens even as I sing my song
I'm emphatic that he's near me
And I can see his touch in everything here

Deep is the soul
Is the space I control
Is the one thing I can call as mine

Deeper the cold
When he's far from my soul
I surrender all of me inside

do you ever start crying and you don't really know why? it's just a deep, heavy, dark sadness that sits somewhere in the middle of you and you're forced to empty yourself of tears.
dammit...blogger does not want to read my [enter] key. i am forced to confine me.
i made a really cool picture for my profile tonight, which i made while i could have been going to bed. now i need to take the time to upload it somewhere, and create a profile. or something.